Where Bangkok actually eats after dark

I've lived in Bangkok my whole life and I still get asked where to eat. Here is the honest version.

Yaowarat (Chinatown), 7pm

Take the MRT to Wat Mangkon. Walk the main road once, then turn into the side streets — that's where the stalls without English menus are. Order the guay jub (rolled noodles in pepper broth) from the stall with the green sign. 60 THB.

Jodd Fairs, 6pm sharp

The only night market I'd actually send you to. Go early or you won't get a table. Everyone photographs the volcano pork ribs; eat the grilled squid two rows behind instead.

The river, any time

Skip the tuk-tuk. The Chao Phraya Express (orange flag, 16 THB) from Tha Tien to Saphan Taksin is the best view in the city and it costs less than a bottle of water.

What to skip

Khao San Road. Rooftop bars with a dress code. Anywhere with a "Thai food" sign in three languages.

Come hungry. Wear something you don't mind smelling like charcoal.